the screwdriver is paramount in the disassembly of Our Hero.

visible indication made on a surface.

2009-10-15T10:24:51Z

Actual copies of the damned thing arrived in printed form. I guess now I've got no choice but to believe it. My coauthor keeps joking about the second edition, and occasionally notes that I don't wince at the idea quite as much as I used to.

(Seriously, if the publisher is willing to forgive us for missing so many deadlines, I'm willing to work on something like this again. That is a pretty big if.)

Regardless, we're going to hang out and celebrate (read: drink) at the Hacker Dojo on Saturday, 10/24, 7PM. Apparently there is even some kind of web 2.0 calendaring thing. Come by, Bay Area people, and meet your fellow geeks. I'll miss you if you don't. Yes, you.

November's coming up, and I'm looking forward to it. I've been tossing around novel ideas in my head. National Novel Writing Month is silly, but it's the kind of silliness I respect.

direct result of the interaction of inputs and processes.

2009-10-05T07:45:50Z

Spent my Sunday getting my printer working. And I did.

Here's my test print, which was about the second thing I printed, after the configuration page. (Don't ever do that on an HP plotter, by the way. Damned thing is five feet tall.)

I wasn't actually expecting it to be fixable, which is probably why I took so long to get around to working on it. (See also my Xerox DocuCentre.) I mean, let's list here:

I literally bought it out of a dumpster for a literal five dollars.

At the time, I was very poor and could not afford ink.

So I kept it in my living room and ignored it.

Then I moved.

And I stored it outside for a year.

This is the part I am most ashamed of.

Then I put it in storage for a year.

Then I brought it to LA with me.

And I kept it in my garage for another year.

But I bought ink in the meantime.

By now the printer is covered in cobwebs, dirt, dust, and spilled ink. Some of the plastic is cracked (from the initial dumpstering) and scraped (ditto). Bits and pieces are bent out of shape. I don't have the legs (they were a casualty of some move or other). Truthfully, I feel guilty just thinking about it.

So I took it out today, scrubbed it down with 409 and rubbing alcohol, and started working on it. Oiled the rails. Cleaned the sensors. Bent some metal bits back into shape. Worked my way through a bunch of error messages with the aid of HP's forums. Made some stupid mistakes. But I got it working in the end, which I can only credit to the goddess of victory. I'm not sure why I have such luck with electronic goods, but I am certainly grateful.

Sometime this week I'll have to figure out why the alignment isn't working.

quality or state of eminence.

2009-09-25T10:50:07Z

Several thousand copies of the book got printed this week. Look for it at a store near you! (Also, we're having a release party in a few weeks at the Hacker Dojo in Mountain View. And by "party" I mean "excuse to drink heavily", which I really shouldn't even have to say anymore.) I guess that makes me a published author, which is, to be fair, one of the things I always planned to be someday.

Writing a technical book was the hardest thing I've done in my life. It took forever, and now it's done. We made a lot of mistakes and had to do a lot of revision, and it'll all be obsolete before it hits the shelves. But people who have read it seem to like it. ("Distractingly readable" is my favorite review.) In some ways I am very proud of it. In others I can't stand the thought of people reading it.

Disabling comments, just this once. The book is done, this post is done, and I have some insane superstition that if I avoid referring to it too directly, or talking about it too much, everything will turn out all right.

ability to distinguish fine detail.

2009-09-15T09:24:39Z

Went to the optometrist today. Prescription's a little worse, but not as much as I thought. Apart from flirting with blindness, my eyes are in good shape.

But what really bothers me is having to get new glasses. I haven't changed mine in five years or so, and I hate picking them out. My sister suggests that I get something thick and plastic, in the current mode, but. . . Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really feeling it. And I can't imagine going out and shopping. I mean, it's not as if I can see what I look like.

general disposition to expect the best.

2009-09-12T19:13:46Z

Words you don't want your dentist to say: "Wow, are you sure that doesn't hurt?"

Truthfully, it went better than I expected.

erected to provide information.

2009-08-21T08:23:35Z

Noted a chalk drawing of a penis on the road while biking home from work.

Scarcely remarkable, I know, but still I found it compelling. I was struck by the elaborate, hieratic stylization of the glyph -- it was a simplified version of the Penny-Arcade "canonical dong", as seen in http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/09/02/ . A stark and elegant scrawl, really quite classy in its way.

I stopped and tried to take a picture, but some kids came out of the nearest house and frightened me away. I wanted to ask them if they'd drawn the graffito, and if so whether P-A was responsible, but in the end I decided that waylaying schoolchildren and ranting about penile orthography would be unwise.

offensively curious or inquisitive.

2009-07-14T11:02:36Z

Wrote a sentence for the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest:

It is generally reckoned an incontrovertible truth that hot dogs remain safe and wholesome in their packaging long past the sell-by date, but we four intrepid men and women -- Harry the brave, Jane the eloquent, Charles the indomitable, and myself of no particular qualities -- have set out to prove the matter, one way or the other.

As commentators on the contest have often mentioned, writing deliberately bad work is hard. It's got to be ostensibly bad, but at the same time well-crafted enough to be funny, and, for this contest, there's the additional handicap of needing to seem unintentionally bad. That is, this has to be a plausible opening sentence for a genuine and sincere overwrought novel.

So yeah. It's not great, but I labor under substantial constraints. I think it's already barely keeping its bathos in check as is. Making it any sillier would destroy the entire effect. (On the other hand, this is a rule that the contest winners seem to ignore, and I think they come off better for it. Ah well, maybe next time.)

treated with partiality.

2009-06-25T06:15:30Z

I seem to have been adopted.

It's not that I actually have a cat; I just buy catfood once in a while. She's learned this, and so waits by my door until I get home after work.

I have decided to call her "Von Clawsewitz", in recognition of her sublime operational awareness.

(Stop groaning, goddamnit.)

assign a meaning to.

2009-06-14T22:20:30Z

At a fast-food place recently, my comrade made the mistake of ordering a "medium" drink, which turned out to be some kind of gigantic basin, after the accustomed fashion of American fast food.

"What, you weren't expecting that? Always order the small."
"But these places don't even have "small" anymore."
"I think, if you say small, they'll give you the smallest available size."

Of course, today I received my comeuppance. Got told, "We don't have small. Is medium okay?" I think the guy took my studied pause, dismissive gesture, and comment of, "Yes, I would like the smallest available size" as an insult -- but really I was just struggling to assimilate this new evidence that the universe is a giant engine directed toward keeping me humble.

that which is accomplished or carried through.

2009-04-29T09:13:59Z

Noticed today that they've changed the penny. If you haven't seen it, it might be worth a quick glance.

I think it's really quite good -- a nice 3/4 rendition of a log cabin, several layers, some nice detail work on the ends of the beams and pile of wood. Stylistically, the decision to include the ground and incise the "E Pluribus Unum" into it lends the coin a bit of a rustic look that works well with the log cabin motif. I also kind of like that they've updated their fonts a little -- sans-serif all the way, with the "ONE CENT" markedly bolder. It's not a huge change, but I approve of that sort of little shift, just for change's sake. I do think the Lincoln Memorial was better, but not so much as to make me outraged or even unhappy at the change.

I'm grateful, though, that they didn't change the profile of Lincoln. That profile might be as good as anything the mint has ever put out -- it has an almost Roman quality -- and it would have been a travesty if it were replaced by something like the "zombie Adams" on the new (at least new-ish) nickels.

proportional relation between part and whole.

2009-04-08T07:03:47Z

"Imagine the smell of a feed store. That's how this tastes."

And he's right, I think to myself after I've poured a bit down my throat and gotten over the retching. It starts with a fairly strong scent of corn. Taste of corn, machine oil, faintly minty, or is that the acetone? Long, earthy and bready aftertaste, but there's something a bit off about that too. Mouth feel is light and thin, like spring water over corroded metal.

In other words, I still think the still is awesome, but cutting out more of the heads and tails and maybe some charcoal filtration would go some way towards improved drinkability.

selective impairment.

2009-03-28T06:11:23Z

I've always had trouble recognizing faces. Let me put this in context by talking about the movie Adaptation. Not only did I not recognize that Nicholas Cage played the main character -- I didn't realize that he also played the main character's identical twin brother. The same problem shows up in my day-to-day life, but I usually get enough other cues to muddle my way though. Sometimes I mess up, and it's quite embarrassing.

So anyway. People have always kind of all looked the same to me, there's an element of existential horror to it, let's move on. Today I took the Cambridge face perception / facial memory test, available freely online, and I'm kind of curious to see how other people do. It's not a meme in the classic style, but it's close enough.

As it develops, my score was 69% -- average is 80%, 65% "may indicate face recognition difficulties." So, yeah. I have some trouble, but it's not exactly disabling. About as expected.

lower in quality or value.

2009-03-13T07:06:33Z

Bought and read Warren Ellis' Crooked Little Vein.

It doesn't quite live up to its opening line. Nothing would live up to that. Nothing with plot, anyway. Nothing you could read and parse more than a page at a time. But it's pretty damned good. The thing basically opens with the main character attending the "only genuine and authentic Godzilla Bukkake night in America" and goes from there. (Same page: "The door guy entered the room, carrying cages of thirsty-looking monitor lizards, long tongues flickering.") It's obscene, gleeful -- and most of it is actually stuff that is familiar to us depraved denizens of the intertron. I actually find that kind of scary.

If you want to sample that atmosphere, the best place I know to start is with Ellis' The Dinner of Cathcart Zen.

long habit of non-enforcement.

2009-03-01T05:51:21Z

Today I had a strong sense that the word "sabotage" was visibly fading from the language, becoming as dead as the term "sans-culottism". As dead, indeed, as the wooden shoes from which the word is said to have sprung.

"Terrorist", however, which I believe dates from the same time and place, is alive and well.

largely pork.

2009-02-24T19:39:43Z

Got one of those irritating cellphone spams today, for the umpteenth time. "This is the second notice that the manufacturer warranty on your vehicle is about to expire." Particularly funny, of course, in that I don't own a car and never have.

I've seen other livejournal posts on the subject, but they center on legal remedies -- complaining at the FCC, using the federal "do not call" list, etc. I don't think that legislation is the best approach here. As Gaiman points out, the law is a blunt stick, and a very dangerous first-line treatment.

Anyway, I got to thinking about a scheme to generate and distribute one-time cellphone numbers. Basically, you'd overlay a secondary dialing system that relies on very large phone numbers to uniquely identify links between people.

(slave_to_anime suggested a much more plausible version of everything after this line, which generates random extensions. I'm seriously thinking of building the iphone app and setting up the asterisk server to make it happen. . . except that cellphone spam isn't really a big deal for me.)

As an implementation, you might get a keyspace from the phone company, which is permuted using one of the readily-available cryptographically strong hash functions (to make guessing valid numbers difficult,) use the phone itself to generate and "validate" new numbers, and distribute them via text messages. These text messages would be the totally open side channel used to exchange identifiers. If that became problematic, we could move to more radical methods.

This would have the advantage that, when a number became compromised, you could revoke it -- the UI would say "never accept calls from this number again." (It goes without saying that, until you manually generated a number from your keyspace, it would be useless.)

I'm going to transition to a Q&A format now:

What about situations where you want to distribute a number via non-electronic means, like business cards?

What, your business cards don't have embedded bluetooth chips? Um. . . it's just a relatively short data blob. Use QR codes (et al.)

What about text message spam?

We assume text spam will be so much less annoying as to be not worth considering.

What if my keyspace changes, like I lose my phone and don't have backups?

Do the same thing you do today -- post a number on (social network of choice) where people can text you their contact info.

What if a spammer guesses or intercepts the number that I use for one of my friends?

Tell the phone to generate a new number and send it to him via text message. This is a UI problem -- if it takes more than two button presses, something's gone wrong. (You can tell that text messages are the glue that holds this thing together. This is because I hate talking on the phone.) Also, if it keeps on happening, consider the possibility that your friend is spamming you.

Couldn't you extend this to encrypting phone conversations as well, independently of the transport-level encryption done by the phone company?

Don't see why not. Might be expensive.

supply with an excess.

2009-02-16T15:27:39Z

Dear sky: Note that the common saying is "Après moi le déluge". Please adjust accordingly.

Regards, ct.

share and enjoy.

2009-01-28T08:39:55Z

Gentlefolk, I present you The Eye of Argon by Jim Theis.

Scary thing is, I'm about halfway through, it's still just as terrible, and I think it may be doing permanent damage. I'm beginning to doubt the essential validity of words, if they can be made to do these things.

If not for his keen auditory organs and lighting steeled reflexes, Grignr would have been groping through the shadowed hell-pits of the Grim Reaper. He had unknowingly stumbled upon an ancient, long forgotton booby trap; a mistake which would have stunted the perusal of longevity of one less agile.

That is literally a random pair of sentences. They're all that bad.

gain that accrues.

2009-01-26T07:24:46Z

Read and re-read Nimbus, by Alexander Jablokov.

Jablokov's madness manifested itself in a consuming fascination with the construction and articulation of increasingly-elaborate symbol-systems, which grew until it crowded out all other facets of his work. Several characters in Nimbus communicate by arranging precisely chosen objects in intricate spatial relations -- I think of it as Jablokov's way of expressing frustration with the components of his stock-in-trade.

The moment that hit me most strongly, though, is when one character, whose daughter had suffered brain damage that left her unable to communicate, describes the implant that gave her a measure of speech:

He looked at me, his eyes appraising. "Not everything we deal in is useless."

suspended by law or custom.

2008-12-25T22:46:01Z

Even the elves of Santa's feared reindeer cavalry may pause to admire the fall of a snowflake. Merry Christmas, all.

mustelid of the northern hemisphere

2008-12-23T08:54:56Z

Today in "ludicrous consumption news", I acquired a fur coat. I would rather have a personal demonic milquetoast, but one makes do with what one has.

In my defense, I didn't really mean to. There was an ebay auction, and I put in the minimum bid as a lark, and then I won it, to my chagrin. It's not like I can wear it anywhere. It's dyed rabbit, which I think is the fur equivalent of polyester. But it is very warm, and I don't hold heat well on my own. Also, it makes me feel the very model of decadent monarchy.

(And, yes, it bothers me, but I eat meat and wear leather, and I have never had pretensions to saintliness.)

representation of computers.

2008-12-04T08:46:52Z

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

generalization concerning a complex system.

2008-12-02T03:29:12Z

officialgaiman has a nice thing on free speech qua basic principle. (Originally published as http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/12/why-defend-freedom-of-icky-speech.html .)

I like it especially because -- although I've always felt the same way -- it's tough for me to avoid feeling a bit unwholesome about the whole thing, as if, as jwz said, it were "more than a little disingenuous, just like those Hemp people who present their arguments in terms of their deep and abiding care for the textile industry, when their real motives are... something else entirely." Gaiman's done a good job of both addressing the principle and dispelling those doubts, which really makes me feel a little better about the whole thing.

hardly the center of the world.

2008-11-30T08:24:13Z

Finally got a copy of Alina Simone's Yanka cover album, Everyone is Crying out to Me, Beware.

I'm not saying you need it. But it has, as the reviewers have said, a mournful and elegant beauty, and you might need a little of that. I add the comment that these tracks are suffused, at their best, with a claustrophobic low-fi terror that I think everyone should experience periodically. For me, at least, it reminds me of the grandeur that exists beyond the lit bubble of my apartment.

Highly recommended, if a little uneven. I think it's best listened to through cheap desktop computer speakers -- and I don't just say that because that's what I'm using for the foreseeable future.

You can hear the first track at http://www.indyweek.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A261750 . Why wait?

perceived need for relaxation.

2008-10-23T06:27:08Z

We walked aimlessly, you and I, and found ourselves looking west, over the airport and out to the sea. They'd found out about everything, about the doubles, the forgeries, the counterfeits. Alchemy, you had called it once, with the nervous laughter all bad liars share. It was over now, whatever it was. I made a joke and turned away. Overhead the clouds shone with brass and fire.

"Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."

2008-10-11T05:08:31Z

When you see this, post in your own journal with your favorite quote from The Princess Bride. Preferably not "As you wish" or the Inigo Montoya speech.

Vizzini: "I smell nothing."

Westley: "What you do not smell is called iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid. . . and is among the deadliest poisions known to man."

Vizzini: *shrug*

Actually, after looking at the wikiquote page, I'm not sure it's my favorite favorite. But it's probably the one I quote most often, apart from one-liners like "never get involved in a land war in Asia."